Getting married is a big decision, let alone getting married young. It is a step up in every relationship.
I do think that getting married young can be an experience that strengthens your relationship. It really comes down to the two people entering this sacred bond and their readiness for the commitment that comes along with it.
And I don’t mean a commitment of staying loyal. It is about committing to communicating even when you don’t feel like it. A commitment to trusting, respecting, loving one another. The commitment to show each other affection even when you don’t feel like it. These are all things that are fundamental for a healthy and happy marriage.
When you are younger, it is harder to make these choices naturally. You have to consciously decide to be the person that commits to their partner, every day, at every crossroads, in every way that you have learned how. Until one day, it will no longer feel like a choice. It will become instinct.
From a very young age, many girls dream of finding their prince charming and getting married. You imagine walking down the aisle in a beautiful dress, surrounded by family and friends and exchanging vows with the person they love before God.
There's something so pure and innocent about these dreams - they are full of hope, optimism and a belief in true love. There's no denying the magic and excitement of finding your happily ever after. When you find it at a younger age, that dream being fulfilled serves as a reminder of the power of the love and beauty that came with finding someone to share your life with.
Just like young girls, many boys also dream of getting married and finding a partner to spend their life with. You spend your time longing for when you will embark on a lifelong journey of love and companionship. These dreams are full of anticipation to find someone who will love you unconditionally.
Men have a special role in marriage. You are the providers, the caretakers and the protectors of your love, your family and someday your children.
I have firsthand seen my brother and brother in law (both of whom got married at 21 and 20) develop a sense of urgency to figure it out. They know they have wives, they know they want children, they know what they hope to achieve.
They formed the most important understanding earlier than most - they are responsible. They are responsible for providing guidance, support and helping their families to stay connected. They realize just how sacred of a responsibility being a husband is - you must live up to a high moral and ethical standard.
I cannot help but notice how the media portrays marriage. We are bombarded with stories of celebrity drama and high-profile divorces. This distorts the sanctity of what marriage is.
The online space, in particular, is filled with toxic ideologies that mislead the younger generation. You need to remind yourself that marriages are not supposed to be filled with drama and negativity.
“The most extraordinary thing in the world is an ordinary man and an ordinary woman and their ordinary children.”
- G.K. Chesterton
The reality is that there are more wholesome, successful and peaceful couples that are happily living their lives. The love and connection between an ordinary man and woman is truly extraordinary in its own right. It is a testament to the power of human connection and the importance of fostering strong relationships with the people that matter most the most to you.
Many online influencers and media outlets fail to grasp this simple concept. They promote a toxic culture of retaliation and revenge in relationships. They suggest that if your partner does something wrong, the appropriate response is to do something wrong back, perpetuating a cycle of negativity and hurt.
I am sorry but this is not the way it should be. When there is conflict, it should be approached with a spirit of openness and understanding. Rather than seeking revenge or retaliation, you need to communicate your feelings in a constructive way. This brings me to my first point.
WORK
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person"
- Mignon McLaughlin
Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and it requires effort and dedication to maintain a strong and healthy bond with your partner. While some may argue that getting married young can be a distraction to personal growth and development, the truth is that getting married young is actually empowering.
I have seen the people around me evolve after the commitment of marriage. It serves them with a source of motivation and support, encouraging them to work even harder to achieve their dreams.
Regardless of age or circumstance, successful marriages are built on a foundation of communication, affection, and respect. You need to put in the time and effort to nurture your relationship and support your partners through their life's challenges.
PURPOSE
“Love is not a feeling of happiness. Love is a willingness to sacrifice"
- Michael Novak
Being married young gives you a purpose.
When you make someone your partner in life, you take on a new responsibility to take care of them, to support them through life’s trials and tribulations.
We are given someone to work for, to make proud and to spoil with affection. We are blessed with someone that provides us with a sense of security and comfort when we need it most.
Being married young gives a unique boost to that security and stability. You get a chance to build a strong foundation of your future together and it forms a connection of a meaningful partnership and required teamwork to face challenges together.
MILESTONES
“The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along."
- Rumi
Marriage is not just an institution that serves as an external goal. It is an intrinsic part of who you are. When you approach marriage and milestones with this mindset, you are able to find true fulfillment and joy on your journey.
And what is life besides a journey filled with milestones and mind-blowing moments. From graduating school to buying your first car to buying your first house, we are constantly pushing to achieve goals and build a life that fulfills us. Each milestone presents a unique challenge and learning experience, the accomplishment of these goals brings a sense of fulfillment.
Marriage at a young age is a milestone. But I think it means so much more than that. It is not simply a means to an end. No. It is a spiritual partnership. With a partner that understands your vision, your values - you are able to achieve your shared goals and when you do achieve them, you have someone to share that moment of celebration with. You split the responsibilities, you work together and you achieve more than you ever could on your own.
It is a catalyst for personal growth and achievement.
LOST MEANING
"Happiness is your birthright, and your marriage is an opportunity to experience that happiness in its deepest form."
- Yogi Bhajan
When people around me started getting married, the most recurring thing they heard was, “you guys are young. You are still changing. As you continue to grow up and change, eventually, you will grow apart.”
I am not arguing about change. Change is a fundamental aspect of life. We are all evolving and growing, especially young people starting off on their independent journeys.
Marriage is an opportunity for mutual growth and evolution. You are presented with an opportunity to learn from each other. You get a chance to know the ins and outs of your partner, what they believe, why they believe it and how different experiences impact their value system.
It is important to recognize that this perspective is just one part of the story. It is true that young people are developing and growing. It does not mean that you are incapable of forming a deep, meaningful and lasting relationship with another person.
To those of you considering getting married young, know that it is a magical journey filled with love, growth and empowerment. It is your opportunity to build a lifelong partnership with someone that shares your ideals, vision and goals.
You will learn to know each other intimately and be there for each other. This all ends up creating a bond in a healthy union and a method of communication that is well-versed. Rather than growing apart, couples who met young have grown together, bearing witness to each other's transformations.
In a world where statistics and studies constantly suggest that getting married young is a recipe for disaster, the experiences of those around me have told me a very different story. You need to endure the test of time.
Most people may guide you based on their own experiences. Nobody has bad intentions but nobody knows your situation either. Do what feels right to you in your heart. Taking your relationship and making it official in the eyes of God can be the most beautiful thing you do in your life.
